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By 2004, I was 26 years old and had a bankroll of $60,000. I had become part of a loosely knit group called the Las Vegas Hole-Card Mafia. We shared information about good games with weak dealers. I tried many many times to quit but all i think about is gambling, All day i think about the roulette wheel, greyhound racing, horse racing. I just CANT STOP! But coming to this forum gives me new hope. I will try my utmost best to stop gambling as of now I will come back every fortnight to this forum and see how other people are.
Lost It All Gambling Reddit Against
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Hello my name is ray, I’ve always been successful and level headed person… Ive been working as a junior doctor for the past three years and I am currently 27 years of age…. However I was introduced to gambling one year ago and in the past couple months I have lost my entire savings of $50000 on roulette… Both online and in actual casinos…. The problem is Noone knows about this not my parents not my pathner…. It all started with winning 2000 the first time I gambled… I began to gamble every month and began to loose 1000 every month…. I began to chase losses and over the past couple months have gambled it all out… I’m sick to my stomach and suicidal…. My job is a good one but very demanding… I seem like I can’t even function properly in my workplace because of this depression…. My other problem is what if I can’t stop gambling… I dnt even have anyone to tlk to personally because I’m so ashamed.. That savings was to invest in a new house.. Now I’m stuck
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Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties youre currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if youre new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. Were in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like youre not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
And on that note….
Im going to hand you over to our community because Im sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!Your predicament sounds not to dissimilar to my own. I gambled away my entire life savings I was banking on using for a house. I too haven’t been able to tell my family or my partner. Talking to people on here helps and I can happily say I’ve been gamble free for just over a year now. Something I can’t say I’ve been since I was about 13. All I can say is, listen to the advice of the people on here. Stay strong. You’re better than any addiction. Each passing day will make you more confidant you can beat this. Take care of yourself and your finances will do the same.
Hi Ray,
Sorry to hear about you losing all of your savings. Unfortunately this is the typical end result of a gambling addiction. We inevitably hig rock bottom before we can stop and actually think about the full extent of the financial, psychlogical, and physical damage we have done to ourselves. How much we’ve sacrificed our time and energy, destroying our relationships with our family, friends and partners. Underperforming at our jobs. The problem isn’t that you lose money, the problem is that you can’t stop gambling until it’s all gone.
You need to accept these losses and realize that gambling is futile and will only get you deeper into the hole should you continue. The addiction does not discriminate. I was similar to you, a good education, a good job, healthy savings, a loving partner and even have a mortgage for an upper class apartment. I only gambled recreationally prior to my 3 months meltdown of online/casino blackjack, where I had losing swings of up to 40k in one night (and winning ones too, but these are just as bad as they reinforce your addicted brain that you can win back your losses). I was confident I would not become one of these “degenerates” that somehow my intelligence and good upbringing shielded me from being a big time gambling loser. I was wrong. A gambling addiction can affect anyone, and is so strong that any logic you have is thrown out the window when you play. You lose your sense of money, take irrational risks and compulsively chase losses with ZERO control when gambling. That’s what the addiction does. It will trick your into thinking you can control it, that you can play small or just walk away with a small loss. That you’re smarter than that. It’s all just your addiction convincing you its ok to gamble. Truth is, for people like us, we simply cannot gamble AT ALL. We cannot control ourselves. You need let go of your pride and accept that you are powerless to this addiction. You can beat it but it will be the toughest battle of your life and it WILL BE A LIFELONG BATTLE. You need all the help you can get. Tell a partner/friend/family member. Otherwise go to GA. Most importantly, self-exclude from ALL land and online casinos you have access to and install a gambling blocker asap. I assure you that the chances of you gambling again is VERY HIGH, especially in your current state. You are still in the denial stage. Exclusion is paramount at this point (and recommended permanently). You must actively take action to stop yourself from gambling. The urges will feel unstoppable. You may relapse but don’t let that phase you. Do whatever it takes to overcome this and you can reclaim your old life back. What we lose most from gambling is not the money itself but we lose our former selfs. We become something else which we are not proud of.
You have not hit rock bottom yet. A long term gambler who struggled with addiction once told me: “just when you thought you couldn’t go any lower, a gambling addiction can bring you a new low that you didn’t even know could exist.” The next step is to take out loans and gamble that away. Then begging/borrowing/stealing money to fund your addiction. The pit really is bottomless. If you continue you will lose your family, friends, partner and job. Most importantly, you will lose your sanity and everything good about who you are. True rock bottom awaits should you keep chasing your losses. Stop now before it’s too late.
I wish you the best in recovering from this.
I have taken a loan out to clear a car finance on a better rate. Suddenly thought I was rich. Lost 3/4 of it in3 months – suicidal (considered) running away (considered). Best advice I have read on here is to take each day as it comes. You feel like this at this moment in time. You will be in work for over 40 years earning a staggering amount of money – I earn £26,000 per year after tax, pension etc. x that by 40 years and its more than 1 million – put that into context with what you’ve lost – money will come and go. make sure you have food, a home (you don’t have to own one) and you have a hobby that keeps you busy or that you enjoy – excercise based is the best. It feels horrific, trust me I know…I am 4 days into hitting rock bottom and I am £16,000 in debt from gambling – I am recently married and my partner knows nothing. What has made me realist that if I continue – I will lose it all and not the money but her, my family and everything. With every day that passes you’ll feel better. Come on here and post – I’ll help if you need to talk.
Stay strongHi Ray,
Well hopefully you’ve learnt that quitting gambling isn’t as simple as “ok I promise I will stop now.” Yes at that moment you feel 100% confident that you’ll stop but we know time will always tell an entirely different story. It starts with boredom or a stressful event and your addiction will tell you it’s ok to just play a little bit “for fun” and even set a time/loss limit for your session. This is just the trap to get you started back on that rollercoaster that digs your hole just that little bit deeper each time you go for another ride. We all know this inside ourselves yet we trick ourselves into thinking we are in control every time. Ray, you MUST self-exclude (especially if you are not handing your finances to someone else for control). You are in a very dark place right now and I get it, it’s living hell down there. You’ll feel physically and emotionally sick from the big loss (huge losses over small times are very psychologically damaging) and you need to grieve this loss. Not just the loss of your savings but the loss of your former self that you are proud of.
Time will make things easier but your primary concern should be preventing yourself from all triggers or ways to access gambling. Keep posting here and we’ll be here to support you along you way but ultimately this is a battle only you can win by your own efforts.
Hey Ray sorry to hear about your relapse, but sadly to say, I am not surprised. Having gambled away so much in a short period of time and experiencing such a huge loss is immensely emotionally damaging. It essentially “rewires” your brain and you can never be the same person again after it. The good news is that you are still young (same age as me) and you have time to change for the better, to turn your life around.
The hardest part about getting over gambling is the losses you’ve incurres. It’s extremely hard to let go of. I might say that without other supports in place, it is virtually inpossible to do alone. On top of extreme willpower and a WANT to actually stop gambling, you will need two things assist you:
1) Blockers/self-exclusion: this is the most critical element – whichever online or offline casinos/bookies you use, self-exclude from all of them now. If you really want to quit you will do it. It you don’t, it means you’re not really ready to give it up and I can guarantee that you return to it (with whatever reason your addiction tricks you with) and your rock bottom will only become deeper. After countless relapses, full self-exclusion plus computer gambling blocking software got me clean for 6 months+.
2) Now this one is optional but highly recommended. That is emotional support and honesty. Gambling thrives in the dark and keeping your secrets from your partner + family will only make you feel more alone, ashamed and guilty. These thoughts alone can sometimes drive you back to relapses. Disclosure not only ensures emotional support, but also gives you the opportunity to hand over your finances to someone you trust as a further preventative measure. If you really cannot bring yourself to do it, go to GA. Stay active on these forums and post often. Read other people’s diaries and tips. Know that you are not alone in your struggles. But let me tell you, given the extent of your gambling, full disclosure is HIGHLY recommended as it will inevitably come out in the fall out.
Please be proactive about step 1 and seriously consider step 2. Not to sound harsh but if you do nothing except tell yourself you’ll stop, you will repeat the above cycle multiple times until breaking point, and everything in your life will crumble. Do not let this happen as you have many years ahead and a great career which will earn you way more than what you’ve lost recently in the long run.
Hey Ray,
Great to hear that you’ve self-excluded. That’s a great first step. Now one thing to keep in mind is that online gambling has SO many different options. If you even have an inkling that you might open up another account elsewhere, I highly recommend installing Gamblock of Betfilter (for less than $100 it probably saved me many thousands during those first few months after I installed it). I also encourage you to confide to a few people because let me tell you, those closest to you already know something isn’t quite right with you or that your behaviour is odd, they may be surprised as to the nature of what you’ve been doing but they won’t be surprised that you’re currently struggling mentally.
As for the losses, I totally get it. It’s the hardest part about staying gambling free. I was actually going to touch on it in my previous post but I didn’t want to make it too long. The thought of the losses was also the main factor which caused many of my relapses. I know it sounds cliche but time will indeed help. The first few month or so is the absolute worst. You will constantly be beating yourself on it, self-hating, replaying those nightmarish nights over and over. Thinking about why I hadn’t have stopped there or why I was so stupid not to walk away when I was up at that time. It will tear you up inside. But over time, the thoughts will become less consistent. If you just think about your life and what you still have, your health, your family, your partner and your great job. It will help to ease the pain. Now even as you get better mentally, every now and that that figure of your loss will come back like a ton of bricks, you’ll sometimes wake up in the middle of night and think about it. You’ll have moments at work where you just cannot function. It’s times like these that you need to stay strong. Trust me, the longer you can withhold yourself from gambling, the more positive things you can do in your life, the easier it will get.
Try to think of the loss as a business venture that didn’t work out. Alternatively, think of it as a life lesson to NEVER EVER touch gambling again, ever in your life. For us compulsive gamblers, that demon was always inside of us and it just needed for us to get the right exposure or to be in the right circumstances for it come out and take control of us. Learning it at a young age (and if you actually learn to fight it and to control your triggers) can be a seen as a lesson learnt that will prevent you from ruining your life at a worst time – what about when you’re married and have kids of your own? What about when your 30-40 and earning big $$$? You will have A LOT more to lose then. Money comes and goes, yes 50k is a very large sum of money, but consider this – during your life time you will earn well over $1 million dollars. As a doctor if you progress well in your career you will earn well over $2 million dollars in your life time. I know it’s not easy to think long term but dwelling on losses will simply drag you back to more relapses, and take you into a darker and darker place. The light is dim now, but if you can stop now, you can turn it around. The money is gone and it’s not coming back (through gambling). The addiction is the one that’s telling you to keep trying. I know, we gamblers don’t want to give up, we want to recoup our losses now. Well the reality is that’s not going to happen. Science has found that once we ACCEPT our reality, no matter how dire, we can deal with it mentally much better. So you must accept your losses and move on. There’s no easy way around it. I wish you the best of luck.
I know exactly how you feel about the monetary loss, Ray . They say money is not the issue but it sure was/is for me. I found it very difficult to stop chasing and let go. It will come eventually. I think we need to mourn every loss we experience in life. There is a grieving process to go through. The loss of money symbolizes all the other losses a gambler experiences. This is the tangible one, so it hurts a lot. Give yourself time, Ray. Time without gambling. Time to put things in order. Gambling will increase the chaos. The more we try to undo the damage, the greater the torture. It’s a form of self destruction. Be kind to yourself. Deep breaths! The hurt will pass. Everything passes and life goes on.
Best wishes in recovery. Gambling ruins lives.Vera is correct, we need to grieve the loss in order to accept it. Losses incurred from gambling is extra hard to get over because it makes us feel so stupid, ashamed and guilty to have lost our money like this. Society also looks down on gamblers and even relatives find it hard to fathom why an otherwise intelligent person would do such a thing.
Ray you could get over your 15k loss because you HAD TO accept it. Insurance wasn’t going to pay you and you were never gonna be able to catch the person who stole your vehicle. The difference now is you still think that gambling can get your money back. The dream will win it all back, to get our “revenge” against gambling, to strip away all of our monetary/mental worries with that one big comeback. Unfortunately this is not how real life works. Even if you do win it back you’ll just give it all back and more. The only way to win is to not play.
dont even know where to start or what to say....
Started out with slots 12 years ago, it got worse and worse and worse.
used to be couple hundred off paychecks, then whole paychecks
then borrowing money to gamble
likely down somewhere around 35 to 40,000 dollars since then.
I won a couple times , 1000 here, couple hundred there, maybe another 1000 over there
put it all back and then more. you know how it goes the win sucks you in
then won 10,000 last year online slots...paid some debt off and oh boy that suckered me in big time
well now i got a visa maxed out at 10,000 and a mastercard at 6000 with 20% interest. lol
all on gambling, never mind the money off pay cheques ..
even when i win i never cash out and stop, even when big amounts like 5000 or 8000
i just up my bets and lose it all
like i always do... greedy want more i guess,
Not even all that crazy about money, like when i have it, i gamble
when i dont have it i still gamble ... what the heck??
sometimes i think i am addicted to the losing not the winning...
i have a kid coming in one month. i have been laid off work,
i have ruined my life and hurt those around me and now my unborn child and my wife will have to
suffer too. I AM THE BIGGEST LOSER.. there is no way back...
i feel suicide the best, although i dont even have life insurance.
I always say i will stop... never do..
i dont get it.,. i dont understand it.. i want to stop... i really do... why cant i
im not stupid, i used to shake my head at people like me wasting there money.,
WHY CANT I STOP. I am so weak of a person i guess..